It's Raining Again,

It's fucking raining. And there's thunder and lightning. It has not been a good day at all. Because you've just gotten turned down for 3 roles in one day and it's either because you don't fit for the role, or someone better came in. All that shit. It's kind of fucked really if you think about it. And it's fucking rainy, just to end the day off. You're walking to Jared's house, because you can't be bothered running, because running in the rain because you're scared of getting wet is for idiots, in the end, you get wet anyways.

You reach his house and it's this large place tucked in a court, you ring the doorbell and moments later he opens the door, rambles on about how you're going to get sick and closes the door behind you, then gets you some towels and dries you off, rubbing the fluffly white towel up and down your arms and ruffling your hair up. He cares for you alot, actually more than he should, and you guys are just friends.

Before you know it, the coffee is on the boil and Jared is sitting opposite to you, staring at you with a steady green gaze. You look up and he smiles. You feel awkward all of a sudden because you're still damp and when you got into the house you were dripping water everywhere and because whether you wanted to admit it or not, there's awkward tension between the two of you and you're scared to think sexual tension because that might be overstating it a little and plus you guys are just friends.

"So why'd you come here?" he asks. Jared's not usually that straight forward and it was strange but you answer him anyway. "Have you been out Jare? It's pouring like cats and dogs and it's thundering and lightning," you roll your eyes and realises that you don't even know why you came here in the first place. God, it's so stupid. Stupid, stupid. You never seem to make the right decision or the right move, or never saying the right things.

"So you came here?" Jared probes, small smile on his face. You feel like you're in interrogation, not that you've ever been in one but you're quiet sure this is what it feels like, nerve racking and weird, but this nerve-racking and weird didn't feel bad, in fact.. it felt..... good. "Yeah I mean... yeah.. sorry__". "No I was just asking, since it's late and it just seems a little weird, since you're closer to Jensen and everything,"

"Oh," is all you manage to say because you didn't realise that it looked like that from his point of view, that you're closer to Jensen when you think you're actually was closer to Jared. "Really? Does it seem that way?... because I thought I was closer to you," you say and he looks up at you quickly, like it's something he always wanted to hear it or something like that. "You think so?"

"Well that's what I thought," You shrug and shift uncomfortably in the seat because your damp dress still sticking to your skin and your hands feel clammy. "Oh I didn't realise that.. but we are close friends right?" Jared asks and you nod a few times and say something like 'hmmmyeah'. "Your hand is shaking, are you cold?" he informs and touches your hand and you swear silently because it's not because you're fucking cold, it's because of him and they way he makes you feel. Isn't fucking obvious already? Everytime I'm around you I shake goddammit.

But he doesn't seem to see it and you don't think he'll ever realise it and you think back the time where he caught you staring at him while the two of you were hanging out with Jensen and a friend of yours, he'd look into your eyes and smile and ask if there was something on his face. Then there was the other time, you joked and said that you liked him and he didn't take it seriously. But really you had meant it.

"No.. not cold.. just... ummm... nothing," you clear your throat, swear at yourself some more at the way you stumble your way across words. "Do you like Jensen?" Jared asks you out of nowhere after a moment of silence. "What? Me? Liking Jensen? No.. we're just really good friends that's all and.... why are you asking me this?" you stammer. "Because I don't know... I just wanted to know,"

You fall into silence again and you hate it because when it's silence it's so awkward that it kills and you don't know what to say that's right. "Jared.... do you like me?" you ask and you bite down on your lip because that was a bad move, you made the wrong decision to even ask and you never say the right things and you wish you didn't say it because he's looking at you in surprise with his mouth kind of open and you don't want him to answer because you're scared of what he's going to say. "Actually.. don't answer that," you say before he could reply to you. Silence. Again. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He probably thinks you're weird now, he's probably thinking that right this____

"Yeah," he says quietly and cuts you off your thoughts and you're kind of confused for a moment, tangling all his words up until you figure out what he really means. "Wait...what do you mean?" you ask, to make sure if you heard wrong because if you say you like him too and you heard wrong, it would be added to one of your collection of fuck ups. "I like you," he says, straight out and you feel kind of weird for a moment, like you have no legs and that you're underwater or something. In other words, you feel choked for words.

Because you've been waiting for this moment ever since you've met him, and now it's here, he's said it, but you're just staring at him, vision all wobbly and unclear. "Really?" you say and kind of regret it, but you're dumfounded and so amazed. "Yeah.. kind of stupid to admit..since you like someone else.." Jared looks down with his hands, fidgets like he does when he's nervous and bites his lip. "You've got it all wrong," you say casually as possible although it's kind of hard to breathe and you're shaking like a fragile leaf in the wind.

"What do you mean?" he looks up and meets your gaze. "What I mean is.. I've liked you since for so long.. and I still do," you manage to say and feel proud because you confessed and that sounded so deep and so right. "Oh I thought you liked Jensen all along," Jared says and scratches the back of his head. "Well you were wrong," you smile and sit back in your seat but the cold presses against your back so you lean forward again.

"Yeah I guess I was," he answers, eyes shining, shaggy brown hair falling into his eyes and he smiles, smiles until it hurts. "Hey I gotta get going, you're right.. it's really late," you say and stand up, you don't want to leave because you want to stay and talk about feelings, about corny things that only he would understand but really, it's getting late and you're starting to miss your warm bed as much as you miss his touch on your skin.

"Hey... wait," Jared stops you in your tracks, you turn around. "Yeah?" you say but your voice is croaky and your throat is dry. "I made this for you, I was planning to give you it for your birthday but I never got to, I gave you the voucher instead because I didn't think this was appropiate," he says and digs through his CD collection and hands you a CD case. You look at it for a moment and theres a cover with you on it but your back is turned so all you can see is the sun shining down on you and your hair flying everywhere. "Did you take this?" you ask.

He nods and smiles sheepishly and you laugh because you never knew he was a good photographer. You look back at the CD cover again and there's Jared's scrawl on the back of it. Thanks for being an amazing friend, Jared. You smile. "Thanks... it means alot to me... this.." you say and hold the case against your chest. "It's okay... I really do like you, you know?" he sighs softly and places a hand on your shoulder. You nod yes, tell him you feel the same too but he says he might as well even love you and you don't say anything. You just melt right there.

"Alright.. I gotta.. go.. it's late___," you cut yourself off when you remember you already said it before, but it's not really your fault, those eyes of Jared's can make you forget every single word in the English language. "Yeah... sorry about everything.. I mean I gotta figure this thing out I mean.. if it's right, if I should let go of Sandy," he swallows and you nod and tell him that it's okay, that he can take as long as he wants but really it's not okay.

You open the door and the cold greets you again and it seems to say hello with a wave of the wind and you step down the porch one by one when his voice stops you. "Hey you might need this," he jogs up to you and wraps a jacket around your shoulder, it's big and you seem drown in it. "Thanks," you smile as you adjust it around yourself then he says goodbye and that you should take care and closes the door.

You finally step off the porch and the rain slows into a drizzle, you tug the jacket around your neck and you smell his scent lingering on the jacket and that's kind of enough for this cold night. You look up at the sky, then you make a mental note to buy an umbrella.