Her house is like a modern apartment building, tucked around the corner of a court, it's nothing spectacular, sloping roofs, wall to wall glass and the blinds are closed and out the front is a few messy brown scrubs and abandoned hedges.

Jared rings the doorbell and hears clattering and the door swings open and she's smiling brightly and clutching a towel close to her tiny body. "Come in, yeah.. hey... I know it's a little messy but I'm going to ge to it," she says and he shoulders past her and laughs. "You always say that,"

"This time I'm going to do it," she says but he's not buying it because he knows the second he leaves she's going to kick that crumpled piece of paper under the couch and call it a day. He knows her too well and it's only been one year since they've met.

She's his friend and they met a year ago on really stupid accounts that he doesn't want to recall, and she's all that, smart, sarcastic, witty and hilarious but really she's soft and dainty and so goddamn pretty that it feels like meeting her for the first time again when he looks at her. It never gets old, seriously.

They're really good friends as in totally and completely understanding each other's need of space and privacy but sometimes they get too close, a little too personal that if he didn't know better he'll think that he's in love with her for that one moment and he'll probably find it hard sleeping that night. But really, they're way past that. Just absolutely and totally.

"Hey what are you staring at?". Okay except maybe that. She's waving a hand in front of his face and he snaps back to reality. "Nothing... hey you should come with me today," he smiles it off and makes a note not to do that again. She blinks at him and smiles back. "Sure about that big boy? I mean I don't want to interfere with your work," she says and throws day-old laundry into a basket.

"No come on it'll be fun,"

"Oh well... it better be,"

*

They arrive at the set of his new movie, it's this indie-film that Chad laughs at him for doing but he thinks it's something new and different to his previous roles, which is fine because he wants to try something new. She sits on one of those lawn chairs out in the sun and today is an exceptionally good day, warm and sunny so no one is bundled up like the last two weeks. Plus there's always coffee. And he knows how much she loves coffee, that she can't go a day without it.

She's laughing now, mingling with his co-star, waving her small hands in the air, eyes shining as that sweet laughter sounds. And she's this petite little thing, perfectly built with brown eyes, a small tapered waist, pink heart shaped lips and glowy skin in a moisturiser commercial type of way which is really nice to touch.

Which he once did when they were out one night, really tipsy and he wasn't thinking straight. He swears he wasn't thinking straight and then she turned around and punched him.

Oh and his co-star happens to be the quiet the ladies man, you know, charming smile and real good looking in a male-model way and when he doesn't shave the make-up girls says it's rugged and sexy. But she doesn't seem to be into him in any sort of way, not that he cares whether she does like him or not.

She looks over in his direction and their eyes meet but she quickly turns away.

*

She's in his kitchen, wiping down the bench and washing the dishes in swift fast movements. She's wearing this stupid apron, the one with the unfunny, gross slogan on it that he got as a gift and he didn't like but never threw it away because he felt bad. And Jared has to admit, she looks adorable in it.

She's humming a song quietly like it's a secret and she doesn't want him to hear it. Jared watched as her as he digs into his food. She stacks the plates, turns on her feet and wipes and rinses, unties the apron and hangs it on a hook, turns around in her little white dress that's seriously complimenting her skin and smiles.

"I feel like I'm your personal maid," she flops down next to him with a soft sigh, "Aahhh... that's not true, why do you clean my house and not your own?" he rolls his eyes and looks at her. "I have no idea why," she smiles and laughs a little and the sound is warm and familiar.

There's soft golden light spilling through his kitchen window and it catches the shine of her hair, the hair that falls around her small delicate face, he wants to reach out and touch it, feel the silk of her hair slip through his fingers and let his fingertips brush her soft cheek.

But he doesn't. Of course. he just keeps his hands where they are, close to his side, balled into a tight fist. Resisting.

*

It's late and Chad is over, he's got his two feet up on the coffee table and he looks half-dead but it's probably because he's shitfaced drunk. Jared almost laughs at this and he's looking at Chad's face, wondering if he should take a picture that might come in handy for black mail when the he starts laughing at the TV.

"Dude, you're wasted," Jared laughs a little and shakes his head. "No I'm not," the older man shakes his head and runs a hand through his short corn-coloured hair. "So how are you going? What's up? How are you? What has been happening in your life?"

Jared laughs at this. Admit it or not, Chad is kind of a douche and an asshole sometimes. Asshole as in the time Jared's car broke down in the middle of the road and Chad had texted 'Wish you were here' in mockery. Don't get him wrong, he's a good friend but he really doesn't make sense sometimes.

He snorts. "Dude you should've asked that three hours ago, like when you came into my house?". "Answer the question old fart," Chad ignores his comment and kicks a beer bottle off the table, it rolls to the ground and makes a clinking sound as it hits the wall. "Fine thankyou, what about you? Older fart,"

"I know your secret,"

"Oh yeah, because you're Chad the genius,"

Chad's being crazy again, and kind of paranoid, coming up with theories and asking weird police interrogation kind of questions that has Jared thinking he's on drugs or something. "Okay... so what's my secret huh?" Jared challenges and sips his beer. "Don't deny it you dog, I see right through you and in___

"Chad, you can stop with the madam-fortune-teller thing, cut to the chase and tell me what you know. I mean... what am I 'hiding'?" he makes quotes with his fingers. "Alright, don't be hasty___ you like her don't you? Your friend, that brunette," he wiggles his eyebrows immaturely that makes Jared laugh but it totally is seen as the laugh of denial that he wasn't intending on doing.

"Deny all you like, but I know what you can do my Jared," Chad shakes a finger at Jared, he doesn't do anything, he just sits and stares at him. Good god, Chad is unbelievable sometimes. "Tell her and stop being a coward because when she's gone, you'll regret it and it'll hurt,"

"Are you this deep and meaningful person when you're drunk?" Jared sniggers but Chad glares at him. "What are you talking about? I've always been deep and meaningful," he holds a hand to his chest like he's hurt that his best friend would think differently of him. "Whatever dude," he turns off the TV to receive another glare.

"I was watching that___ anyway now that we've established the fact that you DO like her let's get onto___. "Hey wait... what? I never said I like her!" he says and he has to admit to himself that he sounds ridiculous and almost childish, and unfortunately, Chad thinks so too. "Sissy,"

"Whatever okay, even if I did like her I would never tell her because that would be stupid since she doesn't like me, we're friends,"

"She totally likes you man! Come on!" Chad yawns and gives Jared a pleading look. "But you haven't met her before so how would you know?"

"Ohhh.... right,"

*

Tuesday morning is colder than yesterday, but the sun is shining so Jared's not complaining, he's too worried about what Chad said last night to be concerned about the weather. It's lunch time and he's walking with her across the road to get coffee because he feels sorry for the P.A that's been running back and forth for the past half hour.

"So how are you going? With everything?" he asks stupidly as he sidesteps a puddle of water. She looks up at him. "Fine... you know, cleaning out my house out, finally,"

"Good to hear, so anything new coming up?" Jared puts an arm around her as they enter, the warmness floating around them and the smell of coffee lingering in the air. "I'm going to San Diego to study," she smiles brightly.

"What? I mean... wow.. that's great? When...? How long?" he stutters and feels all helpless and she laughs and puts her hand on his chest, over his heart. "A year or so... I'm leaving next month, I'm glad you're happy for me,"

"I am... it's great news but hey__," he says, voice raspy like it hurts to talk. "Yeah?" she whips around, her dark hair flying as she looks at him with wide eyes. Waiting.

"Nothing, it's not important, let's just get coffee,"

*

He thinks about her that night, she's leaving and if he doesn't tell her any sooner, she'll be gone and who knows what will happen for a year, he could meet someone new or even worse, she could. She might even be married for all he knows. For the first time in a long time, Chad's right. He has to tell her.

And this was definitely no crush he has on her. But he would be a bit glad if it was a crush, so if she leaves he'll be let down easy. There's a dry ache in his chest and he doesn't want to let her go, doesn't want her to leave.

He loves her too much.

*

Jared's mama Sharon is in his kitchen, just a few hours ago he picked her up at the airport. She's told him last week that she wants to fly over and visit because she wants to see her boy again, see how he's doing and all. She's cooking now and Jared feels safe and warm like he's 15 again.

The smell of old spices smells familiar and he remembers the last time he was back home. "So Jared, got into any trouble lately?" she raises an eyebrow at him jokingly and he laughs. "Kind of, but it's nothing serious," Jared shrugs and bites into her famous meat pie. "Tell me what is it, maybe I can help," she wipes her hands on a tea towel and then focuses her gaze on him.

"It's this girl, I've been close friends with her since last year," he says after awhile and his mama, the one who knows him too well smiles knowingly. "You're in love with her aren't you?"

Jared doesn't answer, he doesn't have to answer, she already knows too well. "I want to tell her, but I can't... she's leaving next month for San Diego," he sighs. "Oh Jared... you have to, if you really love her, then you have to let her know. Tell her,"

His thoughts are interrupted by a ring at the doorbell, he jumps off the chair and opens the door to face her. "Hey, are you busy? I umm...," she starts to say but hears someone inside. "No I'm not busy, come in, I want you to meet someone," he grabs her arm and pulls her in, like he's afraid she's going to slip away. "Who?" she asks, voice full of curiosity.

Jared doesn't answer, he just pushes her in and then a watches as she introduces herself and shake hands with Sharon. Then they talk and laugh like old friends as she helps his mama with the cooking. Sharon looks up from the casserole tray and her eyes connect with his.

He knows what she means, but he's not sure if he's ready.

*

By the time Sharon is leaving, it's two days later and she has to fly back to Texas, they're at the airport and she has agreed to come along because Sharon is her new friend and she says she loves the woman to bits. Jared kisses and hugs his mama, tells her to take care and call him.

Sharon rolls her eyes and nodsand says that she's the mother, not him and laughs. Then Sharon turns to face her and she smiles. "It was nice getting to know you," she says and hugs her. "Yeah you too,"

His mama sighs and turns to him and her face turns soft and she pretends to not acknowledge to relationship. "Take care of your girlfriend, she's really something,". And just like that, she turns around and leaves, leaving him speechless.

They don't talk much on the drive home, occasionally it's just a 'yeah' and a 'hmmm' but that's all, she's just staring out the window, silence taking over awkwardly. He turns up the music in the hopes of it drowning out his thoughts. "So umm... why did your mother call me your girlfriend?"

Jared looks at her. This was the question he wanted her to ask. So he could tell her everything. He opens his mouth and snaps it shut. "I don't know... I think she thought that we were a couple," he smiles and she laughs. "Yeah.. well... we're pretty close anyways,". He nods because it's true but he wants the words that's been choked back for so long to come out.

But they don't.

*

"Hey let's go out today, you know... before I leave I want to spend time with my closest friends," she says as she looks out his window. "Where do you want to go?" Jared asks as he buttons on a shirt when he comes downstairs. "I don't know... anywhere,"

"Anywhere huh?"

"Anywhere,"

So they end up in one of the corner shops, eating ice cream in the car. He asks her about San Diego and she says there's about a week until she leaves, that she's excited to go but she'll miss him so so much. She makes this cute sad face that makes his heart ache.

He doesn't want to forget her and he's pretty sure that he can't. Jared looks at her and tries to memorize every detail of her, her smile, the way she laughs, the shape of her lips and her eyes. Goddamn, she's so beautiful and it makes this hurt a little more.

"I have a confession to make," she says and laughs at herself. His heart leaps a little. "Don't laugh at me okay?" she warns him and he smiles and nods faithfully. "When I first met you, I thought I was in love with you, I mean.. I was in love with you,"

And there it is, her little confession out in the air that doesn't do much but make him analyze every word she says, like the use of past tense and mostly that she was in love with him and he has been too blind to see it. "You.. what?"

"I was in love with you at one stage of our friendship,"

"So you're not anymore?" he asks and feels the ice cream drips down his wrist and he hates it when that happens but this time he doesn't care and he just lets it as he watches her look down at her own ice cream like it held the key to everything.

She doesn't answer.

*

A week later, he's in bed, hungover and so tired from drinking and acting all depressed when he really isn't, he's just in a state of confusion that doesn't allow him to function properly. He sits up in bed, full and alert when he remembers she's leaving today.

Jared doesn't want to drop her off at the airport and watch her leave because he knows it'll be hard not to break down and cry. But he showers, puts on fresh clothes and grabs a quick breakfast before driving over to her house.

He gets out of the car and takes in his surroundings again because he knows this will be the last time that he comes here again. She steps off her porch and lingers there, watching him as the suitcase she's holding stops at her feet. She smiles. "Ready?"

He nods yes and loads all her stuff in the back before they drive to the airport and it's all a blur, then he finds himself on standing next to her, his elbow brushing her arm and he thinks how much he'll miss this feeling. The lady over the intercom tells them it's her flight. He wants it to be a mistake.

It isn't. Because she's pulling her bag with her and he's walking beside her, hands shoved deep in his pockets. She reaches the place where they're supposed to say their goodbyes and turns to him. "This is it," she says in a quiet, wispy voice. "Yeah I guess it is,". It doesn't have to be.

"Bye Jare, I'll miss you, don't be a stranger, you can come visit... you can call me," she says and he nods quickly because he's afraid if he goes any slower he'll start crying. She stands on her toes and throws her arms around his neck and kisses his cheek. "I'll miss you so much," he breathes.

"Yeah I will too.. take care okay?" she says and she's crying softly against his shoulder. Jared remains silent and she pulls away and pats his chest and mouths a last goodbye and walks into that hall, and the words come out but only when it's too late.